Bugger Brexit

(Our Family’s Dysfunctional)

© words and music 2019 Simon Roberts/Classicalbanksy


Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Tho’ we really know we shouldn’t
And we nearly thought we wouldn’t
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit well and good!

(various styles of delivery)
Our family’s dysfunctional
No hope of an accord –
About who governs Britain -
Or about who rules abroad.

Our European brethren
With typical élan
Attempt to hold together
What the Romans first began.

With our Family divided
We try to understand –
Why Maastricht went so badly wrong
And turned out not as planned.

The EU waves and beckon us
To join them evermore
But we regard them with suspicion,
And remind them of the war.

Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Tho’ we really know we shouldn’t
And we nearly thought we wouldn’t
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit well and good!


For our Family’s dysfunctional
At great pains to disagree
And it fills us all with sadness
As we gaze across the sea.

Do you think it might have helped us all,
To work through our travail,
If we’d called in to Talk Radio,
And spoken to James Whale?

Would Eddie Mair be nice to us
If live on LBC,
Could Marr make head or tail of us
On Sunday’s BBC?

Like a Chinese user’s manual
Brexit scrambles up our thoughts –
About how to man our borders,
And where to put our Courts.

Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Tho’ we know we really shouldn’t
And we nearly thought we wouldn’t
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit well and good!

Our Family’s dysfunctional,
In one almighty slump,
And now our closest relatives
Elected Donald Trump.

Our Country needs Recovery,
And Therapy, and Gym!
But as for Boris Johnson –
Are 12 Steps enough for him?

Our Family’s dysfunctional,
Depressed and Brexit Blue,
If Scotland becomes Catalan –
We’ll sell Gibraltar too.

Our Family’s Dysfunctional,
The consequences queer,
According to the latest polls –
We’re worse than North Korea!

Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Tho’ we really know we shouldn’t
And we nearly thought we wouldn’t
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit well and good!

Our Family’s dysfunctional,
We’ve considered marriage guidance,
But United Nations counselling
Always ends causing violence.

Will our relatives o’er yonder
Mutti Merkel, and Macron
Insist that we go onwards
Knowing Brexit is a bomb?

Has Europe been swept off her feet?
Surrendering her power?
Seduced by Russian Oligarchs
Who’ve bought the Eiffel Tower?

Thanks to Boris and that JCB,
We’re free to trade again,
So the first thing we’ve exported
Is a brand new COVID strain!

Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Tho’ we really know we shouldn’t
And we nearly thought we wouldn’t
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit well and good!

And as we all prepare ourselves
For “B-Day” ( “like Bidet” - says it all…!!)
We’ll behave like EU members do -
And into line we’ll fall:

So on the subject of that bill,
We’ll suddenly delay it,
Insisting - just the same as Greece -
That Germany should pay it!

And at the final showdown,
We’ll announce “there’s one last matter –
The UK has been sold,
And is now owned and run by Qatar!”

Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Tho’ we really know we shouldn’t
And we nearly thought we wouldn’t
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit,
Bugger Brexit well and good!